Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Mile High Club: The Lowdown on Red Eye and High Altitude Romance

May 29, 2006

Summer’s officially over and it’s back to reality for some of us corporate slaves, who spent the past two months basking (and getting baked) under the sun, sipping cosmopolitans or guzzling beer and sporting gorgeous tan lines that have become the butt of envy of vapid friends.

And as we carefully fold our bikinis and speedos and grudgingly stash them away to the bottom of our summer wardrobe cabinet for next season’s use, we are transported to the seemingly endless hot summer nights spent canoodling with lovers – and maybe some fine-looking strangers - at the beach.

We wonder in exasperated unison, when are we ever gonna get that lucky again?

Fortunately, some of us have business and pleasure trips to look forward to even as the torrential rains beat down on our roofs as if to make a definitive statement that summer is truly over.

Traveling is every wandering soul’s wet dream. And the promise of a possible wild adventure while in transit or upon reaching destination makes it even more appealing to the unbridled gypsy in us. So let’s stop waxing nostalgic about the summer gone past and focus instead on the many ways that we can make our trips just as prurient.

Case in point, joining the Mile High Club. Mile High Club is a classic example of something perversely titillating that has taken on an air of pseudo legitimacy on account of a name being assigned to it thus leaving so many people biting their nails both in unsuppressed curiosity and anticipation.

But what exactly is the Mile High Club?

MHC, as it is known to members, is an exclusive ‘club’ that takes public sex (between, but may not necessarily be limited to, two people) to a whole new level – all 5,280 feet above the ground to be precise, in an airplane. As to which part of the plane is elected as venue for such outlandish display of Kamasutra-in-action depends entirely on the couple involved. But jetliner lavatories seem to be the popular choice.

Although, historically, MHC is said to have had its first unraveling behind the controls of the airplane with the pilots and flight attendants playing starring roles. So how does one become a member of this notoriously ‘prestigious’ (well, at least in sexspeak) aerial adventurers clique?

The Mile High Club official website (http://www.milehighclub.com/about/member.html) offers the following guidelines to be followed:

1. Call your local travel agent and book a flight to wherever, it doesn't matter. Hint: you'll have a better chance if it's a red-eye trip. Note to aspiring MH Clubbers: A red-eye flight is a flight operated by an airline very early in the morning, roughly during the period from 1:00 to 4:00 AM. The term "red-eye" derives from the fatigue symptom of having red eyes.

2. Get to the gate early and scope out a cute solo traveler (like yourself) who looks like he/she left his/her inhibitions back at home, where they rightfully belong.

3. Be ready to negotiate your seat assignment for one closer, if not right next to, your unsuspecting passenger. Hint: Don't offer your blanket and pillows, because you'll need them, if only to cover the in-flight straddling or spooning action.

4. Wait for the movie to start (and/or your fellow travelers to dive under the sheets for some shut-eye) before you start your own movie (if you know what I mean). You don't want to get arrested for indecent exposure aboard an airline.

5. Before you start your aerial pleasures, make sure you are at least 5,280ft AGL (a mile high above the earth), just to make it official. Unlike other legitimate club memberships, Mile High Club does not offer point system rebates that can afford you free movie passes or discounts off purchases once accumulated. What it offers instead, is a whole gamut of unparalleled sexual rush one can only derive from engaging in a wild jetliner romp even Larry Flynt himself would queue to hear every juicy detail for possible inclusion in Hustler. And when ‘rewards’ are presented as succulently as that, who would need free movie passes and coffee discounts anyways?

So next time you pack your passport for a transatlantic trip, make sure you throw in a fresh pack of latex for good measure. To paraphrase the chocolate euphemism made famous by the adorable Forrest Gump, ‘be ready for you’ll never know when you’re going to get lucky.’

Posted by Vicky Ras on May 29, 2006 at 09:46 PM

2 comments:

jaymz said...

hi vicky! i haven't (s)experienced the mile-high thing... a mile-deep (s)experience okay? ...that is, on a passenger boat...

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